Sunday, 29 December 2013
Day 111: The grey area
We've had a few days of little adventures (snorkelling at Shelley Beach and BBQing/swimming at Manly Dam), visiting with friends and chilling. Nice. The downside is that, since we're still at home, I get sucked into chores (like taking down the Christmas tree today). We've also been spending lots of time together as a family, and it's becoming apparent that it'd be good to shake that up a bit. I've managed to forget my plight from time to time as I'm feeling pretty good. My hair loss has slowed (I even still have eyelashes and eyebrows) so it looks like I'll ring in the new year without looking like a chemo patient. I'm tired, but no more so than usual with 2 kids. I am finding that my patience is very thin, but that could be too much togetherness, not enough real exercise and underlying frustration with my lower than normal level of energy. This battle is seriously a mental one for me. I have to make the effort to stay on top and be positive otherwise the hole could get deep. There is a chance that, at the end of these nearly 6 months of treatment I will be no better off than I am now. I can't think about that. The other day a friend was lamenting the colour of her hair, and I pointed out her luck in having hair to colour but didn't think too much about the state of mine. I am watching the "happy day" links in our countdown chain being taken off and the black links approaching. That can get me down if I dwell on it. I am the "fun planner" in our family but am struggling to keep it going. That's frustrating as I want to make the most of all the good days and am watching so many people go about their holiday adventures blissfully unappreciative of their good health. As I tell my kids, life isn't fair. And, as I've been told, this, too, shall pass. I'm going to go to bed believing that it all looks rosier in the morning.