Wednesday 24 September 2014

Day 380: A day without an appointment

I had a lovely day all around: the sun was shining, the kids were good, I had a good swim (second day of 1.2k) and, while the kids were at their holiday programs (gymnastics for Remie and kayaking for Alex) I got organised for our departure to Hamilton Island.  I only had one phone call that had to do with my cancer, and it was simply a heads up to Mt. Wilga that I requested to have my garments shipped to them as I'm away until next Friday.  Easy.

I dropped Alex at his kayaking day after picking up his mate, Tom.  They had a great day as there were only 3 kids today.  I picked up the boys and they hung out here for an hour until Lucy arrived.

When I dropped Remie and her 2 friends at gymnastics, they were excited.  I would've been happy to stay if I were a youngster as the facility is great.  They, too, had a great day.

After dinner, Remie decided that she wanted to set her own record for getting showered and ready to read.  8 minutes was her time.  After months of her taking forever to do exactly this, it just goes to show she can do things if she wants.

Tuesday 23 September 2014

Day 379: Agreeable

This was one of those days that should be noted in the diary for its ease.  Everything seemed to go  very agreeably, from the kids to making an appointment with Dr. Andrew to discuss reconstruction options (his gruff receptionist wasn't there) to using up the food in the fridge to taking Remie to the library.  None of it was exceptionally exciting, but it was great because I didn't feel any of the struggle that I have for the past month or so.

I had a good appointment with Jessica.  I mentioned that I am slowly accepting my lymphoedema and feel better for not fighting against it so much. We talked further about finding post-treatment anchor points and thinking about how I want to go forward in terms of what I want to be and do.

Steph took the kids for the morning so I had a great swim in the sun.  For the first time ever, I swam more than 1km: I added 200m (20%) and felt good.  Very exciting.

I coughed up another $600 for my new prescription custom sleeve and glove.  Mt. Wilga was able to get me one free setfrom Smith and Nephew as a compensation for the garments that were presecribed at the Mater.  That is a relief.

Tomorrow the kids are at activities so I can pack for Thursday's departure to Hamilton Island and swim again.  I'll also probably catch up on a few things that have been on my growing list.  It will be the first day in ages that I'm not scheduled to meet with or talk to anyone about my cancer.

Monday 22 September 2014

Day 378: Another day, another appointment

It was the first day of the Spring school holidays and the kids and I had nothing planned for the first time in ages. I did, however, need to get a script for antibiotics for my upcoming trip in case I get an infection in my arm that could turn to cellulitis.

After Alex made brekkie (scrambled eggs, toast and a pineapple-strawberry iced wrap), I made an appoitment with Dr. Mark at 10a as Dr. Karen is on holiday. He was great, providing advice on the heat that could cause increased swelling (get in the water to stay cool) and happily writing The referrals to the doctors and physios I need to see for reconstruction investigation and lymphoedema treatment. The kids both read the books they'd brought and were excellent.

We spent most of the day pottering around home. The kids played together with Lego for hours. We went down to Little Manly in the afternoon to get some sun. Alex flew his balsa airplane while Remie and I played in the sand. She asked me to build some castles and I realised that my "garments" are going to make the summer a bit more challenging.

Sunday 21 September 2014

Day 377: "Life After Breast Cancer"

That was the title of the presentations held at the Poche Centre this morning. The program consisted of the resident specialists talking about subjects including "medical aftershocks", psychological adjustments, reconstruction options, self esteem and sexuality, and nutrition. I'd asked Ruth to be my support person as I thought she could help me navigate the information and decide what I most need to take on board to continue my journey of recovery.

There was so much information that I am still a bit overwhelmed. None of the content was surprising but I was somewhat shocked at how well I could relate to many things that were said.  I swear that during my 7 week US trip I never saw this massive adjustment period coming. A bit naive perhaps? In any case, here I am trying to digest my new post-treatment world, and it's not going as quickly as I'd hoped. Perhaps this is my reality to provide me the opportunity to learn some patience...

Day 376: Your thoughts are not facts

This us what Rebecca told Remie in our morning session with her.  We were talking about Remie's fears that my arm could blow up and fall off and I would die. Rebecca's example of her thinking a pink elephant would fly into the room really made the point for Remie. She explained about the regular check ups and trips to hospital now and how that just means people are looking after me.

Remie said that it was a helpful session and that she would like to go back again. That made it worth the nearly 2 hours out of a Saturday.


Friday 19 September 2014

Day 375: Cranky

I am totally over lymphoedema and it's time-consuming and unwieldy bandaging.  I don't want to have to wear custom compression garments every day. They are just awful. I'm annoyed that I have to get to the GP to get a script for Keflex in case I get cellulitis. The problem is, this is only the beginning and there is no end. At least not for now.  Time will tell how my body reacts to my treatment and how quickly it lays down new pathways to drain the fluid build up.

I woke up to Remie demanding things then screaming for ages. It was a bit stressful. Then I stuffed up my Mt. Wilga timetable and missed by 11.30a gym session, so I was rescheduled for 1.30p mindfulness, which was actually exactly what I needed. This left me with an hour to kill, so I checked out the Hornsby shopping centre.

My physio this afternoon, whose name I didn't get, was wonderful. She took my arm measurements and ran my L-Dex. My arm was down overall but my L-Dex was up, which made sense given that my fibrotic tissue had softened and the fluid amount was therefore greater, but more freely flowing.

She brought in my Caresia, a quilt-like arm sleeve for me to wear at night to soften my tissue further. We had a look at the garments I have, and she called in a colleague. They decided that the seam at the wrist of my sleeve needed to be picked to stop it from constricting.  I shared my fears about flying next week, and we discussed my options. I practiced some self-bandaging so feel confident I can do that. She did walk me through the worse case, which is that my arm and hand balloon. I would then just do my best massaging and bandaging while I'm away and get myself back to Mt. Wilga upon my return. I left feeling empowered but also very cranky that I have to deal with this.

I'm feeling very alone on this part of the journey. Everyone around me is concerned with life, and I'm having occasional "what if" thoughts of metastasis. I am in a very different headspace and am struggling with connection points at the moment.

My day ended with more screaming from Remie and a failed attempt to talk to Nick about this stuff. "It's been a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day. Some days are like that.  Even in Australia."

Thursday 18 September 2014

Day 374: New measurements

After drop off, I caught up with Gail for a walk. She listened to me go on about my lymphoedema and was wonderfully compassionate. We talked fear, energy levels and how to live life in a meaningful way when you've been given the cancer wake-up call. It was comforting to be with someone else who is in the same boat.

At the hospital, I had a brief but very useful chat with Lena, another Manly woman (who is friends of one of my friends) who is dealing with this same condition. We were discussing reconstruction, and she reminded me I could just do implants now and wait a few years to consider a tissue reconstruction.

My first session was hydro, so I did my exercises and rode around on the noodle in the 33C water. Not a bad way to spend 30 minutes.

Andrea was my physio, and she put me straight under the laser for my side and forearm. Then she did my measurement for my garments.  Even after intensive treatment, the sleeve prescribed last month is too small. She rang the garment rep and left a voice mail explaining the situation and asking for a pricing concession. She'll let me know.

Dr. Mackie came to check on me. I thanked her and we talked about the empowerment that I've gotten out of my time.  I talked with Andrea's boss on the way out and said I am happy to be a case study as my experience has been good.

Day 373: 7th birthday

7 years ago today I was at a different hospital, one just up the street from home.  The roperating theatre was equally as cold when I was getting my spinal block as today's heater-less room. While today's hospital visit is part of a much longer treatment, That Monday had a distinct outcome: welcome Remie!

We were up just past 6a opening presents before I had to leave. She was very excited and happy with all her gifts.

My first session was with Elena, the dietician. She was great at recapping the basics plus giving me ideas specifically for fuelling for exercise. She also reviewed tips for portion-sizing, proper eating (sit down and chew slowly) and specific product selection. It wasn't anything earth shattering but good to go over.

Sarah was my physio, and she did my measurements (all down) and put me under the laser in order to further reduce the fibrosis and thus increase lymph flow.  She then bandaged me and sent me on my way.

After a great catch up walk with Steph, I bought ice blocks and brought them into Remie's class. We all went outside, the kids sang and then Remie helped me hand out the ice blocks. Exciting for her.

We had a family birthday dinner at Hugo's. Remie was exhausted but settled down once we got to the restaurant. The pizza was great and dessert even had a sparkler in it. That's what big girls get.


Monday 15 September 2014

Day 371: Learning

I had a different physio at Mt. Wilga today and I learned lots from her. She thinks that, given the fibrosis/tissue change in my forearm, I likely had lymphatic system issues months before my arm swelled. Apparently it takes 6 months for tissue changes to occur (get worse or get better), so her advice was to be very diligent with my care (self-massage and wearing compression garments as well as noticing what happens during exercise and in heat) and take this journey initially in a 6 month chunk. It's early days for me, with my body still recovering from the whole treatment, so she suggested I take it easy and watch what happens in the next year.

In my gym sessions I've learned to watch exertion rate and fatigue as they can cause fluid build up. I've also gotten e few specific exercises that might help.

Crystal popped in this morning with her hairdressing scissors and removed my "wings". Amen. I forgot how annoying it is to grow out short hair and I'm only waiting for the bit I lost to catch up to the rest.

Sunday 14 September 2014

Day 369: Party day

The morning started with Nick thinking he had booked the scout hall for Sunday instead of Saturday. Thankfully he'd done Saturday. After a morning of errands to get the disco ball, balloons and a few other items, it was time for lunch then for Remie to head to her classmates party leaving the 3 of us to set up hers. Nick and Alex were decorating legends.

I picked up Remie and 2 friends and brought them to the party just in time. Miss Emily was there and got the kids straight into the mask-making craft. Then it was dance time. Some of the kids were so tired from the party before that they just flopped on the couches like lion cubs. Just before cake time, the kids performed for the parents the dance they'd been practicing. The cake was a hit, and all left exhausted. Remie had a great time, loved all her presents (she opened them by herself and kept track of them) and was generally quite pleased.

Nick and I were exhausted but headed out to John's 41sy birthday party in our pirate-themed outfits as instructed. One we had a bit of food, drink and rest on chairs, we perked up and had a good night.

Day 370: Some things stay the same

I had a lovely walk in the sunshine along the beach with Rach this morning. We got an excellent piccolo (up there with the cafe at Harris Farm) from the coffee man outside Le Kiosk at Shelley Beach. We solved all the world's problems as we tend to do

When she had to dash I grabbed at table at Whitewater for brekkie with my family, who arrived about 10 minutes later. The kids ordered a second corse as they were starving. It certainly wasn't our most inexpensive breakfast but at least it was good.

From there we went across the street to the beach and parked ourselves at South Steyne. It was a beautiful day (though the water is still chilly) and Nick and I enjoyed a chat while the kids played in the sand and incoming tide. I couldn't go in the water or muck in the sand with my bandages, but it was so nice to be there. That little stretch of beach has seen me in various stages of health and fitness over the past 10 years (post c-sections, pre- and post-hip replacement), during chemo and now. Wow. It's so nice to be able to sit in the sun and watch the waves if nothing else.

The rest of the day was around the house. The kids played but were both tired. Hopefully all will have a restful night. I am looking forward to a change of bandages tomorrow.

Friday 12 September 2014

Day 368: Party prep

After dropping the kids at school I did the  food shopping for Remie's party tomorrow. I can't believe she's going to be 7 inextricably week!

I talked to mum on the way to the clinic. It's been a good opportunity to stay in touch. I tried to work a bit harder at the gym and even convinced Bridget to let me go on the bike for 10 mins. Woohoo.

Andrea was my physio again today. She was very excited to unwrap my bandages as there was a big improvement in my arm overall. She did more massage and laser, then wrapped again for the weekend. I'm just pleased it's coming down and I'm learning more about how my body works to make it better.

After dinner was cake icing.  Thanks to Gloria's gorgeous cake toppers and Emma's baking efforts my job was easy. A few more treats got made and we're as ready as we'll be for 18 7-year-olds.

Thursday 11 September 2014

Day 367: Sunshine

I had to drop off my car at the smash repairs this morning so they could fix the damage from when we got rear ended a few weeks ago. It was such a beautiful day that I walked the 6+ kms home. It felt great to get some exercise after all the sitting in the car.

Driving in Errol with the top down in the sunshine is certainly a nice way to make the 45+ minute commute to Mt. Wilga enjoyable. My first session today was hydrotherapy. The pool is as warm as a bath. I was in with 4-6 other women (at least 20 years older than I am) and we all did our own program. It wasn't really a workout, but anything that helps "stimulate my lymphatic system" can't be bad.

My next session was physio with Andrea, the woman with whom I met on my consult and who is a wealth of information. She did a massage and used the hand-held laser as well. She noted that 2 other key areas, my neck and abdomen, are "congested". She used the laser on my abdomen to increase the lymph flow. She also used it on my "medial pocket" (around my elbow).

She told me I am doing everything right, and my swelling is simply the result of a traumatised lymphatic system. My arm is not the problem, she said; the arm is the symptom of a malfunctioning system. Looking at it that way puts a new spin on it. She bandaged me with the hopes of more reduction in my hand.

I got home to the kids finishing dinner and Emma and her mum, who is visiting from the UK, beavering away in the kitchen. It was lovely mayhem as Angie and the kids made muffins for Remie's party on Saturday and Rosalie popped in to borrow a can of tuna for her recipe. It was a very welcoming return home.


Wednesday 10 September 2014

Day 366: One year on

A year ago my life changed forever with my diagnosis. I remember sitting in Dr. Karen's office clutching Swoops, Remie's Beanie Boo and our "medical owl". I remember hearing that I had cancer, and hearing her talk briefly about DCIS. I sort of understood what she way saying as I'd done a bit of research after her office had rung me the day before and said that she wanted to see me, which I knew wasn't good news 4 days after my biopsy.  I remember it all seeming a bit far away. Poor Nick received broken texts from me and, working out that the news wasn't good, beat me home.  I sobbed on his shoulder and to Sandy on the phone. I rang Alison to find out more about Lisa's experience.  Then the afternoon progressed as normal and Steph and I drank a bottle of wine each and talked about the path to come while Nick was out.  Thankfully we didn't know the half of it.

I can honestly say that, despite all the challenges, I've gotten more out of the past year than I've lost:
1. I've learned that my family can help one another to get through a series of very scary and unpleasant situations. We can cuddle and listen when one of us is sad or frightened and still laugh and enjoy life.
2. I truly understand that my husband would do anything for me. Although he may not be the best communicator or great with emotions, he demonstrated his phenomenal caring and concern when I needed it most.
3. I've found that I have an amazingly supportive community who are happy to go out of their way to help.
4. I realised that my "little sister", with whom I don't always see eye-to-eye, is truly one of the most caring and thoughtful people I know. She provided the most unbelievable support from across the world in the form of daily check-in texts and general words and gifts.
5. I appreciate that the bonds I have with friends and family who live around the world can provide strength across physical distance. Through reconnecting with old friends and family I have felt more grounded.
6.  I've gained an invaluable perspective on all sorts of things. I understand that health and love are more important than anything else. I don't sweat the small stuff when I can help it (I'm still human).
7. I discovered an amazing well of strength within myself. I now feel confidant that I can tackle most anything.
8.  I cemented my life-long belief that "it's not what happens; it's how you respond to it".
9. I remember that it's not what I am on the outside that counts; it's who I am on the inside that matters.
10. I am aware that my time on this planet has an end date and I need to try to enjoy every day and make it count.

I'm glad to be out of the treatment tunnel and sad to be in the lymphoedema one, but despite this diversion, I hope the scary stuff has passed. Time will tell.

In other news, I had a lovely "spa day" at Mt. Wilga consisting of gym (physio), pool (hydro therapy), and massage (followed by bandaging). My arm has gone down about 25%, so fingers crossed the reduction continues and then stays.

Tuesday 9 September 2014

Day 365: Expectations

If the message post-mastectomy/axillary clearance (lymph node removal) had been "you are highly likely to get lymphoedema and will be lucky if you don't", I think I would have been more able to cope. Had my " multi-disciplinary team" been more responsive to my first signs, I might have been less frustrated.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. I'm doing my best to deal with it and get help. Today I made an effort to set my expectations realistically. Sarah, my physio at Mt. Wilga, said that she's hoping for a 50% reduction in arm size by the end of my program. She's less concerned with my L-Dex, with her focus on softening the tissue and getting the fluid out. She used the laser again today and did massage  before bandaging.

I also saw Jonathan, a psychology team member. He listened to my whinging and told me it's ok to be angry and sad; after all, I have ended up with this very annoying thing I never wanted. My m.o. of making clear plans and problem solving might just lead to further struggle from me.

I had a nice walk with Delia once I got home and before pick up. The weather was beautiful and it was good to be moving and not sitting in a car.

As I watched Remie reading in bed with her little reading light and fairy lights on, I thought about how unfair it is for her to have to deal with my cancer. She's been so brave; I hope that stays with her.

Nick made my sandwich for lunch for tomorrow as cutting is not easy. He's been great this week, doing mornings and being involved at school. While it's good for all, I know it's not easy for him to be doing my part of the divided "labour". Life sure does get flipped on its head with health issues.

Monday 8 September 2014

Day 364: First day at the lymphoedema clinic

I woke up to sunshine (and a grumpy Remie who was cross at having gone to bed before 7p last night) and headed off in Errol the Eoas with the top down just after 7.30a for my 9.10a check in. The drive took 1hr 10 mins so I even had time for a coffee.

Day patient check in consisted of all sorts of papers to sign, but it was quick. I headed across to the rehab building and checked in to the lymphoedema clinic just as my physio, Sarah, was arriving. We went down the hall into a treatment room and began filling out forms. She did my L-Dex (unchanged from 3 1/2 weeks ago, meaning the excess fluid is still in my arm) and took measurements of both arms (my left is about 2cm/1inch bigger than my right at the moment).  We then went down the hall to another treatment room where she used a hospital-grade laser on my arm to soften the fibrotic area in my forearm (the area where the tissue has started to turn hard). Finally, she bandaged my arm, which is apparently the best way to encourage reduction in size.

While I was left in the room with the laser going to work and me wearing glasses, I decided that this whole condition really needs a copywriter. Words like "lymph", "oedema", "garments" and "fibrosis" are not at all palatable. I really see room for improvement in the language if any real fundraising is to be done.

My second session was woke Luke, an exercise physio. He filled out a few forms then talked me through the theory behind exercise and lymphoedema. The good news is that it is encouraged as muscle movement helps the lymphatic system push the fluid out. Repetitive movements like boxing) are to be avoided, as is intense exercise, as both of these contribute to the increase of fluid (via increased blood flow) in the body. Heat is also a known contributor to increased fluid, so exercise in air con is recommended. All of this impacts my lifestyle, so I have to see what happens.

I zipped home, grabbed lunch and managed to get to Remie's class for reading groups. The afternoon held lots of help from Alex with dinner and laundry. Remie even packed the dishwasher after dinner. Nick checked the warning light that was on in Errol, so now I'm all set to do it again tomorrow.

Sunday 7 September 2014

Day 363: Life goes on

This felt like the first "normal" weekend I've had since returning home 5 weeks ago. Perhaps I'm slowly settling in to my life as it is and not fighting against it as much.

Yesterday, amongst all my normal things (swimming with Jen, shopping with the kids for Remie's party, catching up with friends in the afternoon), I went to see a kinesiologist at Ruth's recommendation. She suggested David to help me come to terms with my lymphoedema specifically and cancer issues in general.

David spent 90 minutes with me, working primarily on my "energy" as Mel is looking after me from a naturopath perspective and the folks at Mt. Wilga will look after my body. I'm not sure exactly what he did, but I have the phrase "I will thrive" stuck in my head, not "I will not make it", which apparently was there before.

Today we took Nick put for Fathers Day breakfast then gave him a leave pass to Bunning's (Australia's Home Depot). We had a great family bike ride in the afternoon; Remie impressed me with her riding and was so proud of it.

I' start at Mt. Wilga tomorrow. While I'm looking forward to learning and getting treated, I'm not excited about facing up to my condition and the implications it has on my lifestyle.

Friday 5 September 2014

Day 361: Contemplations

At nearly the end of my massage by Erika today, the building's fire alarm went off. We grabbed our things and headed to the stairs. When we entered the stairwell, we were greeted by a line of people streaming down from the 2 floors above. In the time it took to descend the 4 floors, I found myself thinking of what the scene in the stairwells might have been like in the World Trade Towers nearly 13 years ago. We walked calmly today; the people there would have been frightened and confused. It happened all so quickly that there would've been minimal time to think before acting. And it would have been over relatively quickly.

Later in the day, I found myself reflecting on how different cancer is to an emergency like the World Trade Centre. I have lots of time to educate myself and think about the possible options.im doing my best to use the time I have wisely rather than worrying too much. I can make long-lasting choices (diet, lifestyle, environment) that might help prevent a recurrence.

I had a wonderful lunch with Louise.  Our conversation covered the usual catch up, and we also tackled learning one's body's reaction to things and adapting accordingly. I sense my self-awareness has benefitted from the past year and will continue to grow on my lymphoedema journey.

Thursday 4 September 2014

Day 360: Mind and body

The highlight of today was Remie's appointment with Robin, one of the counselors she'd seen earlier this year.  I told Remie we were going to see Robin as she'd be able to make the hard stuff we've been going through a bit easier.  When we arrived, I briefed Robin in private regarding Remie's recent challenges, then they went off to talk.  When they called me in, they showed me these:




I thought it was fabulous that Remie was able to articulate how her frustration and anger builds and possible ways to diffuse it.  Now let's see if that translates to daily behaviour.

I had a fabulous swim this morning and am actually enjoying it now that I'm not fighting against it so much.  I'm finding that being in the water is great as my arm feels normal there.

My naturopath consult with Mel was very helpful.  We reviewed my supplements and did my body analysis.  Based on my body composition (fat, muscle mass, hydration, etc) I have the relative age of a 33 year old.  Woo hoo!  We also discussed an anti-inflammatory diet to help prevent recurrence.  Happily, I'm mostly there with the exception being primarily alcohol (aiming for 5 standard drinks per week!) and sugar. Now there's a challenge.


Wednesday 3 September 2014

Day 359: Calm

This is the second day in a row that Remie has not screamed at me.  I am so much less tense. I can imagine that parenting might not always feel like a battle if both children were usually not belligerent. I shall simply hold out hope that this is the start of a new beginning.

Alex received an award at assembly today "for always giving 100% to everything he does". That is gold. As another parent said, it's better than an Oscar. He was very pleased.

I popped into Nadia's on my way to see the counsellor at the school the kids will go to next year. She helped me get clear on my request for help for Remie in her upcoming school transition given all the uncertainties of the past year.

Wendy, the counsellor, was easy to talk with. She clearly has a wrath of experience and is interested in helping Remie. We have planned for Remie to go talk to her at the start of next term, with the aim of having subsequent discussions prior to the end of the school year. This will ideally give Remie a consistent person outside of home with whom to discuss her concerns.

I'm also thinking she'll have a few sessions, ideally regular (but not for 2.5 more weeks) with Rebecca, whom she's seem before and who has specific experience with families dealing with cancer. We'll go tomorrow back to Robin as well.  I figure Remie will decide who she feels comfortable with.

I feel like things are generally a bit calmer today. Perhaps I am, as someone suggested, undergoing a bit of a post-treatment transformation, bit by bit, and one of the tough phases is slowly passing. Perhaps I'm slowly accepting my new challenges and fighting it all a bit less. Perhaps it's the absence of seeing a doctor or getting treatment for the whole week so far. In any case, it's a much more pleasant state to be in.

Tuesday 2 September 2014

Day 358: Positive

This is the first day in ages that Remie didn't have a tantrum at me. She did have one about a drawing she'd done, but it passed quickly.  What a relief.

I had a great workout after dropping the kids. It is the first time since returning from holidays 4+ weeks ago that I felt like I was gaining strength.

I received my schedule from Mt. Wilga today to start next Monday and am cautiously optimistic about the program. I'll keep my expectations fairly low but hope they can help me adjust to this new part of my life.

My session with Jessica this afternoon was very insightful. She works with people affected by cancer and is part of the practice that was referred by my breast care nurses. I went to her to get some help in coping with my lymphoedema plus challenging child plus hovering thoughts of recurrence. She was brilliant and really helped me put my issues into perspective. She assured me that what I'm feeling is totally normal as most cancer survivors don't slide back into the life they had pre-diagnosis now that there are different worries. I was reassured and left with a tool to help me cope and re-balance.

I have a meeting tomorrow with the counsellor at the school the kids will go to next year. I'd asked the director if we might be able to work something out to help Remie with her transition and general anxiety. I'm again cautiously optimistic that it could help Remie.

Monday 1 September 2014

Day 357: Yo-yo kid

Remie came into me at 6.30a this morning, woke me up and grumped about her stick I took away yesterday during her tantrum. After nearly 10 minutes of her complaining, I asked her to leave. It took a few attempts but she finally did. When she came back 30 minutes later she was perfectly pleasant. She is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and speed at the moment.

I had a fabulous swim in the sunshine after drop off. I talked to Simon, the guy who runs the weekday squads, about swimming with the group. I told him my background and he did a quick assessment while I did my laps and have me the ok. It's in my diary to start in October after the school holidays.

Alex helped me make dinner while Remie was at dance. He is growing up so quickly and is enjoying his status of big kid.

After a performance and a few tantrums (ok, there was lice combing involved), Remie happily went to sleep. Her yo-yo mood swings must be exhausting her like they are me.