Saturday, 21 December 2013

Day 102: Mentally under a cloud

I was a grumpy puss today.  I was under that awful cloud of negativity and self-pity and couldn't get out of it, although I did try, until the end of the day. This did remind me that it takes an awful lot of energy to be down.

I woke up tired, having had Remie in twice from 2-3a. Then she was incessant, and Nick was slow in dealing with her and Alex was making lots of noise and blah blah blah. Nothing was right, least of all me.  My tummy was still a bit sore and my head hurt. After yelling at everyone, I decided to take myself off for a walk to meet Jen and Rach for brekkie.

Getting out and moving in fresh air cheered me up a bit, though I was a bit loopy and dizzy. The brekkie conversation made me sadly realise what a different reality I am in at the moment: there are no Christmas drinks, dinners or parties this year. It has not exactly been a festive season.

I went off to the markets, where I was joined by my family.  After a bit of shopping it was home and I went back to bed. Lunch and some Mersyndol for my headache made me feel better, as did sitting around the pool with Steph watching the kids swim. I had no more energy than that, which added to my annoyance on a lovely day. We made the effort to get out for a walk at South Curly to see the sea, but the kids fought, the sun was hot and I got cross.

I started to re-balance after a shower (my hair loss seems to have slowed, partly because so much is already gone) and a few minutes of reading the paper while the kids were in their rooms. My tummy was feeling better, so we all ate together very early. Watching "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer" followed by "The Grinch" cheered me up, as did a bit of final present-wrapping to Xmas music once the kids had gone to bed.

I am now feeling nearly human and more positive. I know that I am always going to get frustrated with my inability to do what I usually do, but I really need to find a strategy so that I don't let my physical limitations drag me so far down emotionally and mentally. Thankfully tomorrow is another day.

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