Day 61: What would I do if I knew?

I find myself again wondering "What would I do if I knew that I were going do die on xx date"? Don't worry, I'm not coming at this from a morbid angle. I know that in 17 days from now, on November 26th, I'm going to start my 18 weeks of 6 cycles of chemo. I have a strong suspicion that, while my life is unlikely to end, it's quality is going to decrease somewhat.

So what am I doing with that knowledge? Going to try to improve something in the world? No. Trying to get caught up in my admin? A bit.  Setting things up for my kids and my family? As much as possible. But what am I really doing with the time?? Trying to fit in all the social events that would normally happen between now and the end of the year! And I am totally exhausted (hence no posts for the past few days). So now you know that I am still the same.

I slept on and off on Thursday night but had no more sickness. Perhaps the contrast drink. In any case, my tummy was tender all Friday. I made a valiant effort to drink and eat at Nick's work Xmas party but I ended up on water and was very disappointed in myself. The party was the best yet since 2003: the cafe at the zoo had great views, the zoo keepers bringing the 4 year old crocodile and big snake around for petting were great, Amber's decorations and music were perfect and Nick and Sonny did their best speeches to date. I enjoyed it but wasn't quite festive.

Saturday's swim club saw Remie nail her 25 m freestyle and Alex swim his first IM ever. Lunch at Sue and Jono's was great fun. Pity Fred slept through t but hope he's on the mend. I was proud to have managed to sneak in the birthday cake unbeknownst to Sue.

Dinner at Ormeggio with our ante-natal mates was entertaining as usual. I texted beforehand to warn them of my tattoos and had a great time as they tried to work out what I'd had done. I managed to rise to the festivities, partaking in the degustation menu with matching wines. Roz swooned over the chef, Allessandro, while Deb took photographic evidence that she had indeed met him. Hilarious.

Today was a much needed mellow day. The boys took off for a Cubs "flying day" (but the Cessna flights sadly didn't happen due to poor weather) and Remie and I stayed in bed until an unheard of 8a (I now get why loads of parents love TV: she watched Octonauts episodes on my iPad while I dozed). We had great mummy/Remie time (which even involved sorting out the toys in her room).

Now it's time to sleep and rejuvenate. I realised last night that I'm likely to lose my hair in about 4 weeks. That's depressing when I'm tired. So what am i doing with that knowledge? I'm going wig shopping with Remie and some of my friends on Thursday; I'm thinking of exploring a short red bob. I figure I have to look at it as an opportunity to play around with my image to make it entertaining. After all, it is only temporary.