Tuesday 26 August 2014

Day 351: Frustration and grieving

Another visit with Dr. Theresa left me feeling sad and blue. She told me I'm going through the stages of grief and I will come to a point of acceptance. She also told me that I need to be wearing my compression garments for all of my waking hours. My l-Dex score went from 60.5 down to 56, but she'd like to see it drop more quickly. Clearly my body isn't doing that by itself, but there's no plan for regular treatment to help it. She was supportive of my assessment and treatment at Mt. Wilga but counselled me that I may not get in there for awhile as they often have a huge waiting list.

My frustration is that no one can clearly tell me what needs to happen. From all the reading I've done, it seems that early intervention is key, but how early is early? I'm wondering if treatment at an intensive clinic will yield better results. Perhaps not necessarily, and that's why no one recommended it earlier.

I finished my appointment and caught up with Ruth. I started my grieving with floods of tears that I expect to see more of before I hit the acceptance point.

In all of my self-absorption and sadness I'd forgotten Remie's book order when I dropped the kids off at French before school. Her poor face crumpled when she realised it, so I managed to drop it by on my way to the hospital.

I was hoping to be celebrating as my one year anniversary of diagnosis approaches, but instead I'm back into appointments. Plus Remie is anxious and scared. Sometimes life is really hard.

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