Thursday, 1 May 2014

Day 244: Deep contemplations

On the drive to hospital today, I spent some time contemplating death. It wasn't in that terrified "oh my God" sort of way, but more of a practical examination. I thought about Alex and Remie, and what it would mean for them. It is already both exciting and sad to watch them take on more responsibilities and become their own people; I got very sad at the thought of having to say goodbye prematurely and missing out on them growing up. I thought about Nick, and how he would live the rest of his life. I considered my mum and sister and extended family, and even though I don't interact with them on a day-to-day basis, not being involved seemed strange. Then there were the practical issues of accounts, assets, funeral, etc. I need to review my will soon. I did cry at the idea of my life coming to an end but realised that I'm not worried about death itself. That was an interesting revelation.

This led me to thinking about my obituary, which, in turn, led me to think about how I want to live the rest of my life. Courageous, curious, inspirational and generous are all words I'd like to be able to include if I were to write my final life summary. "Devoted mother" is another phrase that would make me happy. I suspect I may actually write something as it could be useful to help guide the decisions I make about what I do next. As Ruth said today during our wonderful catch up, I've been through a pretty big "deconstruction" phase; what will the "reconstruction" look like?

It was a beautiful day and I thoroughly enjoyed my drive in Errol. Treatment was quick. I submitted my Australian passport application today. That was $240 worth of exciting. After a few confrontational incidents, I had some good time with both kids tonight. As Tom says, "Everyday above the ground with the family is a good one".

Despite the cold snap coming through, I'm looking forward to my girls' weekend in Byron Bay. It won't be the "laze by the pool in the hot sun" time that we thought, but it will be great to hang out. Pity we will be farewelling Sue, but the shared adventure will be fabulous.

No comments:

Post a Comment