Day 96: Not quite up

Walking down to town to meet some friends for dinner last night in a too-short dress and high wedges for me (I was trying hard not to look like i have a disease, I think), I turned to Nick and said, "My hip squeaks, I hurt my thumb, my hair is falling out in handfuls and I go in for another round of chemo in 3 day; I don't think this is my finest hour."  I have to confess to bring a bit daunted by the reality of it all at the moment.

My hair came out massively in the shower today. More came out when I ran my prescribed wide-tooth comb through it. Bummer. I have stopped taking my vitamins and other naturopathic boosters as I am supposed to do 2 days before treatment. There is one more yellow link on our countdown chain before the stretch of 7 blacks.

I did have a very uplifting girls' pre-chemo champagne (replaced by sangria today) lunch. The dozen or so ladies were fabulous as there was much laughter. I had a good giggle when Kayleen told me that her daughter, who is in Remie's Kindy class, told her big sister that they have to look after Remie as her mum is sick with asthma (delivered in a very serious tone).  Listening may not always be a kindergartener's strength (tee hee).

I have had many people comment, email and send Facebook messages in response to my posts since I started.  I've been told that it's amazing to see what it's actually like on this side, and heard others tell me it's like I am there talking to them, making the distance seem smaller. I am so very, very thankful for all of you who are following along and "listening" to me share my view of this experience. Your presence and feedback strengthens me. I just went back to the quote Deb sent me when I had my meltdown in hospital: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow".  Its like you all are here with me. Your support is invaluable to me as the marathon-like nature of this journey stretches before me.  Thank you. 

Day 94: Shedding hair

It's Friday the 13th. Spooky. My hair is starting to come out.  Spooky. I've heard it starts with a tender scalp. Tick. And then it starts coming out in handfuls. Tick (albeit small handfuls so far). Apparently it starts to happen around the second chemo cycle when one is cold capping.  Tick. And if one can persevere through the second cycle without shaving it will be clear whether the cold cap is working. Time will tell....

Today Nick and I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Susan.  She is very intense. She recapped for us her version of what had happened and where we were. All good. She ran through the role of radiotherapy in the process of preventing recurrence. We learned a few new things. She ran lots of statistics by us, which s the first time to date this has happened. She was clear that the choice is mine.  I immediately signed up ad I had already decided to bring on all the big guns in this fight. She mentioned the possibility of genetic testing since one of my maternal aunts had ovarian cancer. I signed up for that, too, if it was recommended by all my doctors.

Off to sleep hoping I don't wake up with too much hair on my pillow. The reality is definitely harder to digest than the prospect.

Day 93: Tired

Given how tired I am this week I can only imagine that I'll be in bed by 7p after my treatment next Tuesday! I even had some down time today pottering around the house. It'll be back to day sleeps next week for sure.

I had an early Christmas present this morning: coffee in bed delivered by Alex. Nick was away last night so Alex decided to get my coffee and Remie's (oat)milk by himself. Very thoughtful.

Then Remie made me smile when she received her medal for "School Spirit" at the K-2 presentation assembly. She was so very excited and I was proud.

Both kids have been pretty good lately, taking my treatments and side effects in their strides. They are aware but seem to have faith that we'll all get through it and they won't be too worse off with me not being able to be there to do things with them. I really hope that lasts into next week at least.

Day 92: Need to slow down

I am clearly a Type A on deadline: after getting the kids and Remie's friend to the girls' 8.30a tennis lesson, I picked up a few things at the shops. Then it was Remie's Kindy awards session and a quick run to Mel's clinic to pick up more vitamins. From there I picked up Sue in Errol and we spent over 3 hours (we had to pay for parking!) at the mall shopping. It was on to school pick up and a swim for the kids in Steph's pool with P and R. Follow that all up with closet cleaning once the kids were in bed and I'm exhausted. I will try to get some rest time in tomorrow but I really feel like I need to make the most of feeling good and having energy as it will all change in 6 days.

Day 91: Yoga

I finally got back to Sam's ashtanga class today for the first time since late September. It was great to be there and was a bit harder than usual due to the reduced strength and flexibility in my left arm due to the lymph node removal. It was worth it nonetheless.

The rest of the day was consumed with a morning tea with some of the girls from the Early Breast Cancer seminar series (there was a woman there who used the cold cap and  kept most of her hair while doing the same FEC-D regimen I am) plus pre-Christmas errand running.

Now I am tired. Apparently I am at the lowest immune system point now (10-14 days post-treatment). I'm hoping to be on the up tomorrow as its a busy remainder of the week and I'm starting to think about getting mentally prepared for next Tuesday's frozen toxic cocktails round 2.

Day 90: Three months into it

It's funny how life's little things bother me less now that I have bigger fish to fry. After an exhausting early morning workout (I started tired), I chose to drive the kids to school (embarrassingly it is all of6 blocks) in Errol with the top down as the sun was shining and I needed to pick up groceries. We were rear-ended at the roundabout just outside school. It wasn't even a fender-bender (a phrase i recall from my dad) as it only broke the registration plate holder. Apparently the woman sneezed so her eyes weren't open. That's funny - but it wouldn't be if there'd been any damage or injury. But there wasn't, so the kids had a good story to tell and all is good.

I managed to get nearly all of my Christmas presents wrapped today plus all of my insurance and Medicare submissions up to date. Perhaps that is why I am exhausted and decided to pull out of the kids' school P&C (PTA in American) meeting I was planning to attend tonight). It's 9p and I'm turning out the light. I figure I have to rest up to enjoy my next 7 days before my next round on the 17th.

Day 89: What a good day to be alive

How could I not be happy to be alive and feeling great after yesterday? Add to that a glorious morning at Nippers (kids surf lifesaving), a trip to Santa during which my daughter asked for "a spell to make her stuffed animals talk" and her brother found and bought a Christmas gift for her with his own money, our annual visit to the Lindt cafe and an afternoon of Christmas carols and tree decorating?

I am somewhat concerned that I'm feeling as good as I am. As Jen said yesterday (echoing what Dr. Fran said at my first appointment), we do want to have faith the chemo is working and a few side effects demonstrate that. I hope I've felt bad enough that I don't get my dose increased in my next round. As there's nothing I can do about that, I'll just enjoy feeling good for another week or as long as it continues.