Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Day 1 (Tuesday 10 September): So I'm going on a new journey?!

Today I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It's completely surreal.  I have to say I'm in total denial (and the wine helps).  I've been rabbiting on for 2+ years that "at least it isn't cancer".  I've been down the path of being terrified of what it all means for the body to fail.  I've had my failing body part marked with the "X" in texta and come out of surgery to the unknown of the recovery room.  I've survived having part of my body removed and replaced with man-made substances.  I thought it was all behind me.

Today I start another journey.  One that is a bit more life-threatening.  One that might see me need to say goodbye to my kids and husband before I ever imagined.  But one that I know I will approach in the same controlled and disciplined ways as I have all my other journeys.  I will learn what I can about my path and the options available.  I will endeavor to recruit travelling companions.  I will have faith in my abilities to rise to the challenges presented to me.  In short, I am prepared to fight.

I will also seek to appreciate every day.  I will try to find the best.  I know I will be cranky and scared and short of temper.  I hope those around me will help redirect me.  I will try to focus on the positives that result from this journey.  

The unknown is terrifying.  I am perched at the edge of the precipice.  I have been here before in other journeys.  For the ones I love, and for myself, I will do my best to survive the fall.  

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