Day 88: "Shearing is caring"

About 5 years ago one of Alex's BFFs told us all in the playground that "sharing is caring".  I thought it was such a good phrase that I've adapted it to today's events.

Back in October, Sue invited the "triathlon families" around for an early dinner on 7th December, which seemed somfarvaway.  As the girls have thrown in the towel this season in support, we decided we could have a few drinks. Once I got my head around my treatment regimen and the possible hair loss that was due at this point (10 days after my first treatment), I thought it might be a great time to have Jono shave my head. We girls discussed it and mentioned it to the boys (big and not-so-big) to prepare them.

As this past week unfurled, I realised that's wasn't ready to shave as I still have all my hair. The 7 and 9 year olds, however, were keen.

We had a few drinks and a swim, and then Jono quickly set up shop. Hugh, who'd been counting down the days, was first. He was stoked! Billy was next, and Fred stepped up as a dark horse. Alex was then convinced, so he sat down.  The leaf blower came out to clean up, which was fully entertaining.

We then sorted dinner for the kids, and the next thing I saw when I looked over the balcony to "Chez Jono" was Owen in the chair.  I got choked up and had a cry with the girls. When I finished, Nick was in the chair! I am so unbelievably overwhelmed by this support that all I can do is hug the team. I will feel so very much braver when it is my turn thanks to the love and support of my friends.

The sheared 7, plus me.

The first 4, followed by...

The big boys (plus one last little one)

Day 87: Life threatening?

I bumped into Sam in Coles, the grocery store across from school, just before pick up. She's been having some health issues so I asked her how she was. She told me that she's on some meds and is expected to be back to normal in 6-12 months. I sympathised with her plight and wished her well. "I'll be fine," she said.  "It's nothing like what you're going through. Mine is not life-threatening."

I hadn't thought of my journey like that since the very beginning. I don't actually feel like I am in a life-threatening condition, but I guess that's what it is. Based on breast cancer stages (2-3), I have from a 72-93% 5-year survival rate, according to the American Cancer Society. It makes me wonder what the average 5-year "life expectation6" rate is for a healthy 47 year old woman living in a first world country is. Hmmm.  As Kate said tonight at dinner, it's not worth getting bogged down by it. I think I'll just keep living me day at a time and enjoying g what I can.

Susan came for Alex's yoga session this morning. They had a ball. I had a lovely walk along the beach with Kylie and a great massage with Renee. I popped into our 2 local bike shops and found a few suitable options for Remie for a geared bike. Emma and the kids put up the tree (but it still needs to be fully decorated). And Kate came over to share a lovely night. What's not to be thankful for?

Day 86: Normal and great

I had the best workout today I've had since September.  Remie's doctor rang with the great news that her EEG we did yesterday was normal. The kids were in good form for most of the day. I think I've finally sorted out what in this journey our health insurance will cover. I had a great Sype session with my cousin Justin who is planning to come out from Hawaii in the new year.  My sister sent me funny jokes and posted hilarious comments on Facebook that made me laugh.  I had a lovely talk with my mum.  I had a glass of wine with the amazing dinner Libby brought by. And I gave Remie the 100 kisses she said she'd like to get every day. All in all, it was a fairly normal day that left me feeling great.

I learned something today that struck me as extraordinary but makes sense upon reflection: Amazingly, all of us have rogue cancer cells in our bodies - and most of the time the immune system gets rid of them... But not always. Wow. This bit of wisdom comes from the fabulous Claus in Seattle, whose son is doing some amazing work into T cell therapy for paediatric cancer patients at Seattle Children's and Juno Theraputics. It just goes to show that we don't ever really know what is going onion our bodies. All we can do is make the best of every day. 

Day 85: Watery eyes (and other side effects)

The list of side effects for this chemo regimen I'm on include: nausea, sore mouth, tiredness, hair loss, taste changes, sun sensitivity, skin changes, pain in joints, watery or dry eyes, flu-like symptoms, diarrhoea, constipation, nail changes,  bruising and bleeding, anaemia, risk of infection and changes to the way the heart works. Today my eyes were watery on and off, forcing me to abandon my contacts and go with glasses. And my nose is a bit runny. I still think I'm doing well to have only suffered a few from that extensive list so far. I do have to be careful this week as this is when my white blood cell count is at its lowest.

Today I was thankful for my wonderful husband. He sorted the kids while i went for an early-morning walk with mt neighbor, Kate. He got us to Remie's EEG appointment on the other side of the city (will have results later this week) and negotiated my failure to bring the directional paperwork with minimal fuss. He chauffeured me to the mall and helped finish the Xmas shopping. He told me I looked beautiful even with my wild hair that I'm not supposed to wash often, brush or dry if i want to try to keep it. He brought in all the gifts and hid them after helping to clean up dinner. I feel very lucky to have him in my life.

Day 84: A two coffee day

This morning I enjoyed my first full coffee since my treatment last week. Very exciting!

While the kids were at before-school French  I had  the most beautiful run/walk along the beach this morning. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing and the temperature was just right. What a great way to start the day.

I went to the final session of the Early Breast Cancer seminar series where the topic was "Post treatment communication and issues". I didn't find it to be the most helpful session, I think because my perspective on this experience is a bit different. The presentation and discussion touched on possible depression after holding it together to get through treatment (I feel like I experienced that in my divorce), dealing with a changed sense of identity (I feel like I'm still doing that after my hip replacement and loss of running) and trying to sort out a new path (I have been grappling with that since having kids and staying home). I did take away the likelihood that it'll take at least 12 month post-treatment to get back to feeling like I did before diagnosis. That means I should be in good form for my 50th.

I enjoyed my second coffee this afternoon with Nadia and Chrlotte but am sad to report that a glass of wine at dinner didn't interest me. At least my nausea is gone, I dont have mouth sores and I am staying up past 9.30 tonight. I tell you, it's all in your perspective.

Day 83: "Look Good, Feel Better"

Today I went to a "Look Good, Feel Better" workshop, which is a free community service program dedicated to helping cancer patients manage the appearance-related side effects resulting from cancer treatment. I went up north on the peninsula to Mona Vale public hospital (opposite direction from where I'm having my treatment)  at Gail's suggestion (she was impressed with Patsy, the group leader, and the morning tea). It was a lovely day so I put Errol's top down and enjoyed the drive.

There were 5 of us there, ranging in age from late-teens to 50s. There were 6 volunteers so we each had someone who worked with us individually. I learned more about make up today than I ever have before! It was a light-hearted affair with some very helpful tips (such as how to make your eyes loook relatively normal when your eyelashes fall out). I can't imagine that I'll make that much effort on a daily basis, but then again, being bald might make me change my tune.

I was disappointed that "the wig lady" didn't make it as I was hoping for some scarf-tying tips and a look at some turbans. Patsy did her best to offer some ideas and tips which were great starting points.
The morning tea nearly made up for the missed presenter.

The very exciting part of the day was that I made it to the kids' school dance concert this evening. It wasn't the same without the smuggled wine and snacks, but I was still very pleased to have been able to participate.

Day 82: Overdone

I started the day feeling pretty good and was even excited to have half a coffee. In retrospect I can say that I felt like I was somewhat in a different dimension. Despite that, I am fairly annoyed that 3 hours on the beach watching kids and socialising at Nippers (I only just managed a dip myself and did stay mostly sun-sensibly covered up in long-sleeves and a hat) left me feeling the need for a rest. Add to that a lovely 2 hour visit and lunch from some friends and I was wiped out for the rest of the day.

It appears that I do need to scale back my activities and expectations. Hopefully my energy will increase in the coming 2 weeks as I'm thinking that it's really bizarre to be going to bed earlier than many of my friends' kids. I'll stop my complaining and be happy if this is as bad as it gets (as my tongue is feeling a bit funny...).