Day 19 (Sunday 29 September): "Is it cancer? Are you going to die?"

We went down to the beach a bit past 8a and met our friends who are here on holidays as well. Nick took Alex and his friend out sailing on a the little catamaran while Remie and I waited for all the girls to come down for a swim.

She was playing in the sand, so I went and sat next to her. I started by telling her what I'd told Alex: I've been a bit unlucky as, from the tests that were done on my booby, the doctors found a lump in it that shouldn't be there.  "Are you going to have an operation?" She asked. I told her that I am and explained that I was going into hospital (the same one i went to for my hip replacement) the week he goes back to school so the doctors can take it out. "Is it cancer?" she asked. I told her it is. "Are you going to die?" was her next poignant question (a preschool friend lost his father to brain cancer just over a year ago). I told her that i would, but i'm not planning on it until I'm about 100. I also mentioned that there are different types of cancer and this one is the most common so the doctors know a lot about it and how to treat it. I told her that they are going to take the whole breast off to try to make sure they get it all. "Will you have a scar?" She asked. I told her that I will. "Will it fade?".  We checked out the one on my hip and she was satisfied that it will fade over time.

We are going to have to keep a close eye on her as this journey progresses. I have a sense that she's going to swing wildly from being fine to being terrified. I am so very sad that she, too, has to be part of this. Perhaps helping support her will help me get through it as well. Only time will tell.