Day 375: Cranky

I am totally over lymphoedema and it's time-consuming and unwieldy bandaging.  I don't want to have to wear custom compression garments every day. They are just awful. I'm annoyed that I have to get to the GP to get a script for Keflex in case I get cellulitis. The problem is, this is only the beginning and there is no end. At least not for now.  Time will tell how my body reacts to my treatment and how quickly it lays down new pathways to drain the fluid build up.

I woke up to Remie demanding things then screaming for ages. It was a bit stressful. Then I stuffed up my Mt. Wilga timetable and missed by 11.30a gym session, so I was rescheduled for 1.30p mindfulness, which was actually exactly what I needed. This left me with an hour to kill, so I checked out the Hornsby shopping centre.

My physio this afternoon, whose name I didn't get, was wonderful. She took my arm measurements and ran my L-Dex. My arm was down overall but my L-Dex was up, which made sense given that my fibrotic tissue had softened and the fluid amount was therefore greater, but more freely flowing.

She brought in my Caresia, a quilt-like arm sleeve for me to wear at night to soften my tissue further. We had a look at the garments I have, and she called in a colleague. They decided that the seam at the wrist of my sleeve needed to be picked to stop it from constricting.  I shared my fears about flying next week, and we discussed my options. I practiced some self-bandaging so feel confident I can do that. She did walk me through the worse case, which is that my arm and hand balloon. I would then just do my best massaging and bandaging while I'm away and get myself back to Mt. Wilga upon my return. I left feeling empowered but also very cranky that I have to deal with this.

I'm feeling very alone on this part of the journey. Everyone around me is concerned with life, and I'm having occasional "what if" thoughts of metastasis. I am in a very different headspace and am struggling with connection points at the moment.

My day ended with more screaming from Remie and a failed attempt to talk to Nick about this stuff. "It's been a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day. Some days are like that.  Even in Australia."