It was a wet and dreary day punctuated by seeing Michelle, who used to babysit my kids, and meeting her gorgeous baby, Nate, seeing Dr. Karen and grabbing a bit with Hiraani. The kids were in great form (Remie even apologised after screaming at me) and not missing dad too much yet.
I saw Dr. Karen for referrals to Dr. Andrew (they only last a year) and Dr. Alex, the plastic surgeon I'm going to see in a few weeks to gather information about a tissue reconstruction. She also wrote me a "care plan" for my lymphoedema, which means Medicare will cover some portion of 5 physio fees for treatment. She gave me a referral for an ultrasound on the lump in my left forearm that I noticed a week ago but forgot to mention to my doctors in any of the 3 visits I had in the past week (!).
I am plagued by a feeling that my body is failing me and I am slightly adrift. It was undoubtedly the presenting of the lymphoedema that kicked it off, but our discussion with Dr. Andrew last week about metastases really set me on edge. Perhaps it was his use of the words "you had a couple of nasty cancers" that brought the whole situation home. I find myself cuddling with the kids and hoping that I don't leave them too soon. I am doing my best to focus on the positives despite getting back on the oncology merry-go-round and suspect my outlook will improve when my hand swelling is under control and I can get back to a "regular" routine.
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