Day 144: Manic but wobbly

I can totally understand how people get addicted to speed (though the sensation of being like a wound-up toy sure is strange). My office is the cleanest it's ever been since we moved in 8 1/2 years ago! After walking the kids to school and having a coffee with Nick, I spent the day at home ticking off all sorts of things on my list of TTD. I tried to rest, but with the concrete drilling going on in the apartment building out back and my buzzing head, I opted for productivity. A dunk in Steph's pool cooled me down enough to sort of handle Remie's back-to-school dinner/bed meltdown.

That not-right-in-my-skin feeling is definitely still there. It's just bizarre that I want to slow down but can't.

The side effects are the same as yesterday, at about the same intensity. I think the exhaustion is getting to me now, so I'll turn out the lights without taking a sleeping pill and see how that works.

It didn't work quite so well. Shortly after turning out the light i experienced the "bone and muscle pain" that had been mentioned. Luckily it didn't start too bad, feeling more like the "growing pains" of youth. I tossed and turned and finally managed about 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I'm looking forward to some real sleep next week.

Day 143: The start of the downward slide

I am holding on to the image of the cells in white hunting down the rogues and decimating them. Pity there's a bit of collateral damage in the way of hair, gut, nails, etc., but that's the way it is now.

All in all the day was fine. It started with a bit of yoga, then brekkie and walking the kids to school. I came home for a rest, had a lovely Skype call with Claus and Thyrsa in Seattle, rested more, visited with Nadia and talked to Sandy and Mig. Steph brought dinner then Emma and I took the kids to swimming lessons, where I did my requisite 'chemo week' 300m with fins. I've eaten ok and drank lots of fluids.

I started to go downhill when we got home. It seems to be a slow onset with a sore gut/tummy, tingling lips and tongue and vague head. I definitely don't feel quite right in my skin, and the intermittent hot flashes aren't helping, though it all could be exacerbated by this week's heat. I'm going to pop another sleeping pill shortly (might let the sun go down first) in the hopes of sleeping off the worst of it (or maybe just the start of it). Go the guys in white!

Day 142: Buzzing

This Dex high is unbelievable. I was wide awake from about midnight to 4a then up at 6.30a. I've spent the day in motion, from taking the kids to their first day back to school and walking along the beach to catching up on paperwork and sorting medical bills and finally having a quick swim down the street at Little Manly before dinner. I obviously failed miserably at a midday rest. I fear tomorrow's reduction to one Dex tablet per day from the 4 I've been having is going to mean a big fall. Time will tell.

Strangely I feel ok at the moment and distinctly less toxic at this point than I did for the first three treatments. I've eaten meals and had lots of fluids to flush out my system. I'll head to bed shortly and take a sleeping pill to ensure my body gets some rest.

Day 141: Round 4. New drug. Two-thirds of the way.

After all my worries about my Dex high, I had a pretty good night's sleep. I was up by 5.30 with the first light and fit in a bit of yoga before Remie came in at 6.15a for a sleepy cuddle. I hopped in the shower and got sorted for a 7.30a departure.

Jenny and I passed the nearly hour long drive (of about 8kms!) covering all sorts of topics. We arrived for my 8.40a appointment with Dr. Fran to find Nick waiting outside her office.

Dr. Fran called us in and introduced us to her intern. We talked about how cancer cells don't grow back after chemo as normal cells do since they lose their ability to repair. She was non-committal onspecific  nutrition suggestion, saying that maintaining a balanced diet and healthy weight, as well as limiting alcohol to 3-7 drinks per week (!) was the ideal. We then moved to talking about the Taxotere (dexamethazone) that I start this treatment. She said the downward slump usually starts  on day 3-4 once the Dex consumption decreases. She recommended general over-the-counter painkillers like Panadol Osteo (I still have lots of that from my pre-hip replacement days) for the bone and muscle ache that can come on. Oh joy.  She did tell her intern that I'm a poster child for treatment so far, so hopefully that continues in the back half of the game.

Over we went to chemo cottage at 9.15a to get checked in by Lorraine, seated and cold-capped by Candy. Jenny headed off to get a coffee and Ruth strode in, so she sat down and we started to chat. Then it was time for Angela to get the cannula in. This is where the problems started. After two failed attempts in two different veins (the second one in the hand-ick!), she called over the male nurse. Poor Swoops, the medical owl, had a bit of strangling while I felt the needles. He (the nurse, not Swoops) managed to get the cannula in (Ruth later said he looked like he struggled) so then the problems ended. Whew.

In went the anti-nausea is the drip, then the Taxotere in a black-sleeved bag as it's photo-sensitive and it's "harsh". Ugh. Not only was I instructed to suck ice to prevent mouth sores, I also had to put my hands into frozen mittens to freeze the cells where my my finger nails grow to prevent the drugs from attacking them. I REALLY disliked the frozen hand thing and moved up to being covered in 3 blankets. Thankfully Ruth distracted us with her great pictures from her recent climbing course in NZ. Trent popped in towards the end to tell us how he's headed to Cedar Rapids, Iowa this afternoon where the high temp is minus something F.  It made the mittens seem not so bad.

We were out about 11.45a, and as I was feeling pretty normal, Jenny and I headed to lunch at Frenchy's Cafe in the Artist Precinct in Mosman at Lorraine's suggestion. It was lovely. We then went and got our nails painted as mine need to be covered in a dark colour (I chose blue) for the photo-sensitive issue.

We were home by 3p, so I got in a quick swim down the street with the kids and Rosalie. We came home to Deanna dropping off dinner. Yummy. It's now 8p and I feel unbelievably fine. Go the Dex. I'm tired so will head to bed shortly and hope the night and morning aren't too bad.

Day 140: The Dex high

I have spent the morning at the surf beach, an hour at Little Manly this afternoon, done 5 loads of washing, changed all the beds, sorted out bags, shoes, hats, uniforms and pencil cases for the start of school in 2 days, organised everything for the kids' day with Rosalie tomorrow, packed all my own things for round 4 tomorrow, read a few inspirational sayings and did a bit of yoga. Bring on the Decamethasone energy! The challenge is now whether I can sleep or not. Well, I have Stillnox (close to Ambien, my international flight travelling companion for years) to combat that. Oh, the marvels of conventional medicine. Fingers crossed they all do what they are supposed to do. 

Day 139: Supporting the conventional treatments

At the suggestion of a friend, I will shortly detail all the "complementary medicines" (vitamin and mineral supplements and Chinese herbs) that I am taking under the care of one of my guardian angels, Mel Koeman, naturopath extraordinaire. Mel supported me through my hip replacement and mastectomy, and her advice has certainly enhanced my body's healing abilities. 

On the food side of things, I try to have a veggie juice as often as possible (ideally daily).  I'm not particular good about moderating my alcohol consumption (it's all or nothing generally) and am genuinely tring to reduce processed sugar and wheat (man, is that a challenge or what?!), Though i am not very successful I will move to eating organically when I get organised. 

I'm reading a great book called "Anticancer: A new way of life" by Dr. David Servan-Schreiber (thanks, Emma Lane for the thoughtful gift ). His premise is that the increasing incidence of cancer since the 1950s is clearly tied to environmental factors such as diet. He suggests ways to boost the body's immune system. In additions to those noted above, he is a big fan of green tea, turmeric and curry, olive oil, ginger and certain fruits and vegetables. He backs up his suggestions with reasearch, and some of it is just common sense. 

The "complementary therapies" I love and have engaged in for years are massage and yoga. I also find a good bit of general exercise is good for my soul. 

I find it very useful to feel empowered to do what I can to help my body cope with my "insurance plan" of chemo and radio and stave off any rogue cells that may try to grow out f control and hijack my body's normal functioning. I figure there's not much to lose so its worth a try. 

Day 137: Chemo brain

I can handle the death of my fast-growing cells, but surely my brain can't be included in that category. "Chemo brain" is like "baby brain" in that one loses the ability to be logical and rational. I have heard myself say "your dinner is warming in the fridge" and do things like go to put the milk in the cupboard with the dishes. D'oh!

I am concerned about my increasing vagueness, which gets worse the more tired I get. If I keep going as I am I'm going to need a nanny for myself! Apparently my normal intellectual abilities can return, but there's no guarantee that "chemo brain" is temporary. As with all the other parts, only time will tell.