It is so very exciting to see that lonely link left up on the wall. I can hardly believe that tomorrow will be my last "treatment trip". Unfortunately, the end is not yet here.
In the next week, apparently the condition of my 'burned" skin will worsen. I unpacked my prescribed Flamazine tonight that Dr. Susan instructed me to use for the coming week. It contains 1% silver sulfadiazine and is used to treat and prevent infection of skin wounds. It is applied every 24 hours and I think the plastic wrap/tube coverage is used again. It shouldn't be any more onerous than the Solugel and will ideally promote healthy skin recovery.
It's hard to believe that the tunnel is ending. I'm looking forward to getting back to exercise and to not eating lunch in the car. Simple pleasures are often the best.
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Monday, 5 May 2014
Day 248: All things come to an end
Nearly 8 months ago I found out I had breat cancer, and about a month later Dr. Fran outlined my treatment plan. I remember thinking that the 4 1/2 months that it would take seemed so long, and May was so very far away. And my friends rallied, with Sue setting up a meal train, cooking meals, coming to chemo and radio, and just being there.
Well, here we are. In just 2 days my in-hospital treatment will come to an end. And in just 1 day Sue will move to London. I think it just goes to show that you never know what will happen. The influence of key people in your life evolves. Sad and happy live side by side, and that's just the way the world is. I'm just trying to remember that good friends never go away; distance just makes those times together more precious, right Sandy, Meg and Tom, Lisa, Cren, Tess, Annie, Greg, Ted, V, Sparks, Sheephound, Cujo, Coiro, Shawn, Kristen, Jax, Rahul, Tawni, Jane and all the wonderful friends I made over time who I don't get to see as much as I'd like due to distance?
In the day-to-day, I had a beautiful walk along the beach in the sunshine, a coffee with the Sellars, a quick treatment, an easy bone density scan and the usual everything else. I'd call that a good day.
Well, here we are. In just 2 days my in-hospital treatment will come to an end. And in just 1 day Sue will move to London. I think it just goes to show that you never know what will happen. The influence of key people in your life evolves. Sad and happy live side by side, and that's just the way the world is. I'm just trying to remember that good friends never go away; distance just makes those times together more precious, right Sandy, Meg and Tom, Lisa, Cren, Tess, Annie, Greg, Ted, V, Sparks, Sheephound, Cujo, Coiro, Shawn, Kristen, Jax, Rahul, Tawni, Jane and all the wonderful friends I made over time who I don't get to see as much as I'd like due to distance?
In the day-to-day, I had a beautiful walk along the beach in the sunshine, a coffee with the Sellars, a quick treatment, an easy bone density scan and the usual everything else. I'd call that a good day.
Sunday, 4 May 2014
Day 247: Girls weekend away
I have returned from a wonderful weekend away in Byron Bay with some of my closest friends in Sydney. It took ages to organise and the postponement of an international move to happen, but it was well worth it.
Sue and Rach came with me to radiotherapy on Friday and we met Jenny at the airport afterwards. We kicked off our tour while waiting for our flight and nearly missed it due to a "little error" on the departures board that had it listed 25 minutes late. Oops. We flew to Ballina, hired a car and checked into The Byron at Byron, which was fabulous. After relaxing drinks and dinner at the resort on Friday, our weekend consisted of long walks along Tallows Beach in the mornings followed by breakkie and some relaxing. We did make it to the markets today but really just enjoyed having no agenda and no one to look after but ourselves. Mostly we enjoyed each other's company. We did manage to ignore the fact that Sue is moving to London in a mere 2 days. We will miss her enormously.
I loved that I didn't think about my treatment at all other than when I applied Solugel at bedtime. While the burn cream application will continue for a few weeks (I have a prescription for something stronger that I start on Wednesday), my hospital-based treatment will end this week. My cancer will soon be relegated to being a much smaller part of my daily schedule. I only hope it will consume less of my mental space as well.
Sue and Rach came with me to radiotherapy on Friday and we met Jenny at the airport afterwards. We kicked off our tour while waiting for our flight and nearly missed it due to a "little error" on the departures board that had it listed 25 minutes late. Oops. We flew to Ballina, hired a car and checked into The Byron at Byron, which was fabulous. After relaxing drinks and dinner at the resort on Friday, our weekend consisted of long walks along Tallows Beach in the mornings followed by breakkie and some relaxing. We did make it to the markets today but really just enjoyed having no agenda and no one to look after but ourselves. Mostly we enjoyed each other's company. We did manage to ignore the fact that Sue is moving to London in a mere 2 days. We will miss her enormously.
I loved that I didn't think about my treatment at all other than when I applied Solugel at bedtime. While the burn cream application will continue for a few weeks (I have a prescription for something stronger that I start on Wednesday), my hospital-based treatment will end this week. My cancer will soon be relegated to being a much smaller part of my daily schedule. I only hope it will consume less of my mental space as well.
Thursday, 1 May 2014
Day 244: Deep contemplations
On the drive to hospital today, I spent some time contemplating death. It wasn't in that terrified "oh my God" sort of way, but more of a practical examination. I thought about Alex and Remie, and what it would mean for them. It is already both exciting and sad to watch them take on more responsibilities and become their own people; I got very sad at the thought of having to say goodbye prematurely and missing out on them growing up. I thought about Nick, and how he would live the rest of his life. I considered my mum and sister and extended family, and even though I don't interact with them on a day-to-day basis, not being involved seemed strange. Then there were the practical issues of accounts, assets, funeral, etc. I need to review my will soon. I did cry at the idea of my life coming to an end but realised that I'm not worried about death itself. That was an interesting revelation.
This led me to thinking about my obituary, which, in turn, led me to think about how I want to live the rest of my life. Courageous, curious, inspirational and generous are all words I'd like to be able to include if I were to write my final life summary. "Devoted mother" is another phrase that would make me happy. I suspect I may actually write something as it could be useful to help guide the decisions I make about what I do next. As Ruth said today during our wonderful catch up, I've been through a pretty big "deconstruction" phase; what will the "reconstruction" look like?
It was a beautiful day and I thoroughly enjoyed my drive in Errol. Treatment was quick. I submitted my Australian passport application today. That was $240 worth of exciting. After a few confrontational incidents, I had some good time with both kids tonight. As Tom says, "Everyday above the ground with the family is a good one".
Despite the cold snap coming through, I'm looking forward to my girls' weekend in Byron Bay. It won't be the "laze by the pool in the hot sun" time that we thought, but it will be great to hang out. Pity we will be farewelling Sue, but the shared adventure will be fabulous.
This led me to thinking about my obituary, which, in turn, led me to think about how I want to live the rest of my life. Courageous, curious, inspirational and generous are all words I'd like to be able to include if I were to write my final life summary. "Devoted mother" is another phrase that would make me happy. I suspect I may actually write something as it could be useful to help guide the decisions I make about what I do next. As Ruth said today during our wonderful catch up, I've been through a pretty big "deconstruction" phase; what will the "reconstruction" look like?
It was a beautiful day and I thoroughly enjoyed my drive in Errol. Treatment was quick. I submitted my Australian passport application today. That was $240 worth of exciting. After a few confrontational incidents, I had some good time with both kids tonight. As Tom says, "Everyday above the ground with the family is a good one".
Despite the cold snap coming through, I'm looking forward to my girls' weekend in Byron Bay. It won't be the "laze by the pool in the hot sun" time that we thought, but it will be great to hang out. Pity we will be farewelling Sue, but the shared adventure will be fabulous.
Wednesday, 30 April 2014
Day 233: "Chronic ulcerative burns"
That's how the information sheet that accompanies the Solugel describes the possible side effects of radiotherapy. It sounds horrible, but in actuality isn't quite so bad (I will spare you a picture). It is getting very sore under my arm (I've never had a sunburn in my arm pit) but I'm confident that it's manageable. Dr. Susan gave me a prescription for another burn medication that I'm to start using when treatment is over next week. She wasn't too worried so I figure I shouldn't be either.
I went to the gym today for the first time in ages. It was nothing very energetic but it felt good. I thought I need to start at some point and today seemed like as good as any, especially after I had a great sleep.
Treatment has been quick in the past 2 weeks. I was out in under 40 minutes today, which included seeing Dr. Susan. Not bad.
I had the energy for two catch ups afterwards. I hasn't seen Sue L.P. in months, so I stopped by her house on the way home. Then Ing and I had a coffee and identified that we are stuck and it's time to get moving on finding something to do aside from looking after our families. I think 2014 will be the year to get unstuck (in a good way...).
Nick is away for the next 2 nights at a work event locally, then to Korea on Monday for the week. I'm away for the weekend to farewell Sue, so we'll be like ships passing in the night. Now if only the kids can help in the mornings I'll be alright...
I went to the gym today for the first time in ages. It was nothing very energetic but it felt good. I thought I need to start at some point and today seemed like as good as any, especially after I had a great sleep.
Treatment has been quick in the past 2 weeks. I was out in under 40 minutes today, which included seeing Dr. Susan. Not bad.
I had the energy for two catch ups afterwards. I hasn't seen Sue L.P. in months, so I stopped by her house on the way home. Then Ing and I had a coffee and identified that we are stuck and it's time to get moving on finding something to do aside from looking after our families. I think 2014 will be the year to get unstuck (in a good way...).
Nick is away for the next 2 nights at a work event locally, then to Korea on Monday for the week. I'm away for the weekend to farewell Sue, so we'll be like ships passing in the night. Now if only the kids can help in the mornings I'll be alright...
Tuesday, 29 April 2014
Day 232: Ready to drop
It's 8pm and I'll be turning the light out soon. I am completely exhausted after 3 nights in a row of being awake for 2+ hours after a hot flush. This menopause gig is not remotely restful.
My radiation burn is also getting worse. The whole treated area is now that angry red that happens after lots of time in the sun without sun block. I would be able to handle this but the lack of sleep is making everything challenging.
Thankfully I know that this, too, shall pass. I thought that today as Dr. Craig was patching my chipped front tooth (I think it happened during my last round of chemo but can't quite remember). At least now I have a very beautiful tooth.
I'm off to chase elusive sleep. I'm sure the world will be a rosier place after I get more than 3 hours in a row.
My radiation burn is also getting worse. The whole treated area is now that angry red that happens after lots of time in the sun without sun block. I would be able to handle this but the lack of sleep is making everything challenging.
Thankfully I know that this, too, shall pass. I thought that today as Dr. Craig was patching my chipped front tooth (I think it happened during my last round of chemo but can't quite remember). At least now I have a very beautiful tooth.
I'm off to chase elusive sleep. I'm sure the world will be a rosier place after I get more than 3 hours in a row.
Monday, 28 April 2014
Day 231: I am like a tree
Today I took off my dark blue nail polish for the first time in 16 weeks (wow, I hadn't realised it'd been that long until I just counted it). While I'm supposed to keep my nails covered due to the photo sensitivity of the docetaxel, I wanted to see how they looked and figure a few days uncovered can't hurt. Not only have most of them peeled, I found out that my thumb nails actually have rings marking my chemo treatments as I'd been told can happen.
Today I give thanks for a friend who helped make my day easier. Kirrily looked after Alex and Remie while I went to radio and organised her sitter to take the kids to The Lego Movie. My appreciation I'd huge.
Not much else otherwise. Getting up in the morning remains challenging as sleep interruptions (hot flushes and the inability to get back to sleep - not Remie) continue regularly. I'm fine otherwise and pleased to report that my sense of taste is mostly back and my eyes have mostly stopped watering (though they are still sensitive). In 3 more weeks I'll be feeling much better and cancer will be only one part of - not the focus of - my life.
Today I give thanks for a friend who helped make my day easier. Kirrily looked after Alex and Remie while I went to radio and organised her sitter to take the kids to The Lego Movie. My appreciation I'd huge.
Not much else otherwise. Getting up in the morning remains challenging as sleep interruptions (hot flushes and the inability to get back to sleep - not Remie) continue regularly. I'm fine otherwise and pleased to report that my sense of taste is mostly back and my eyes have mostly stopped watering (though they are still sensitive). In 3 more weeks I'll be feeling much better and cancer will be only one part of - not the focus of - my life.
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