Day 259: Oncologist folllow up with Dr. Fran

I had an appointment today with Dr. Fran to discuss my next treatment steps. After 30 minutes in the waiting room, Dr.Ben (he was the one who had contacted me to come in for the double jab in the bottom when Remie had the chickenpox) called us (Nick was with me) in. He asked how I was and went through my main symptoms to see how my recovery was going. All good.

We then discussed Tamoxifen, the estrogen-blocking drug that I'll take for 5 years. Dr. Fran came in and we discussed my genetic testing explorations. I mentioned that I'm considering an oopherectomy and a possible prophylactic mastectomy  (elective mastectomy) of my right breast. She said that a trial on different estrogen-blocking drugs is due to finish on June 1st, which will shed some light on whether Tamoxifen will be best for me.

I left with a script for the Tamoxifen, which I'll start tomorrow. My next appoitment with her is in August. I also have a referral for a mammogram and ultrasound, to be done in early September. I need to book in to see Dr. Andrew, my surgeon, after the mammogram.  In the meantime I just get on with recovery.

I understand now why I was told that this is where people fall apart. I'm so used to having things to do that it feels weird to just get on with life. I did swim a kilometre this morning (very pleased with that), which is part of my version of getting on with it. I do find myself worrying that cancer might be how I go and it might happen too soon, but then I try to make sure I'm doing what I want with who I want. Now that I'm facing my mortality, I understand that life is too short not to enjoy.

Day 257: Comeback #4

After 2 c-sections and a hip replacement, this comeback thing has become a regular 2-3 year occurrence in the past 10 years of my life.  Given this, at least I know how to do it; I swear there's a business idea in it somewhere.

I was at the gym this morning for the second time this week (yoga yesterday). I know, at this point, it is about just showing up and getting back in the routine. Phil, who runs the hole-in-the-wall gym, is fabulous. I told him is was ready to work a bit harder and I need a program for my upcoming 6 week US trip, so he wrote it up and got me going. It is apparent that I've lost lots of strength, endurance and flexibility (what is up with that last one??), but at least that means that I can see progress every day.

I went back to eating a big salad for lunch for the first time in ages. Part of the comeback is getting back into a healthy eating pattern. I'm sure that won't be too hard once all the chocolate is gone...

Day 256: 7 days post-radio and 6 weeks post-chemo

As someone said to me earlier, this, too, has passed. I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of having a life again. My radiation burn is nearly gone thanks to the miraculous Flamazine, which I just finished tonight (I filled my script for a spare tube today). My hair is growing, though I wish my eyelashes would be quicker about it. I wore contacts again today. I can taste everyone I eat and drink. The body's ability to recover is amazing.

The unfortunate part of finishing my toxic cocktails and light show is that I now have the time to think about whether the treatment was able to eradicate and rogue cancer cells. Or what might happen if it didn't. And how I want to live my life knowing that the threat of recurrence is in the background. Do I want to have my other breast removed as "insurance"?  What about my ovaries?

I'll keep turning these issues over in my mind. Thankfully they do not require immediate attention. I'm sure Dr. Fran will shed some light on my next steps and beyond when I see her on Friday.

Day 254: Mothers Day clear out

For Mothers Day I had asked for time to clean my room, and I got it. I spent a few hours clearing out all the "cancer treatment stuff", from meds and scarves to books and piles of things that had just accumulated. I dusted my dresser,  cleaned my cupboard and threw away things I don't need. I am moving on.

This happened, of course, after the family celebrations. We were all piled on top of the bed at 6.45a. Nick and I had coffee and the kids had Mothers Day gifts. Most of what they presented was hand-made, which was lovely. I also received a tea-brewing pot for all my green tea, and they threw in some choc chip chai for good measure.

My other gifts were a wonderful brekkie made by Nick and topped off with some blueberry coffee cake made by Nick and Remie (Alex helped me clean), plus a very enjoyable family bike ride up North Head (I'd also asked to share some experience). The morning was sunny and beautiful.

We had Jenny, Owen and the kids around for a very casual lunch. I knew it had been awhile since we entertained, but I was horrified when Owen had that he'd never seen the countdown chain. We also had a half hour at Little Manly at sunset for a beer/kids snack and play as a reward to cleaning (the kids did their rooms as well).

The only thing that marred my beautiful day was watching a news segment on the Sydner Mothers Day Classic, a fundraiser for breast cancer research. The woman interviewed had lost her mother to breast cancer. When she'd been diagnosed, it was fairly late and two different types of cancer were discovered; she died before she was 50. I, too, had two different types of cancer, and it wasn't discovered early. So my mind is spinning now, and I'm trying to remember that there's no use in worrying about that which I cannot change.

Day 252: 8+ weeks post-chemo and 2 days post-radio

So the end is not here, but I knew that.  This radiation burn and rash has been terribly itchy today.  I'm just about to apply my Flamazine in time for bed, so hopefully that will bring some relief.

I've also had a lovely afternoon of hot flushes.  Remie was at a party at Build-a-Bear at the mall, so I did a bit of shopping with Chris.  I spent the 2.5 hours taking off and putting on my jumper.  At least Chris found it entertaining.

I ditched the blue nail polish today and decided to go natural again - at least for a few days.  My nails have all split and/or peeled, but they seem to be somewhat healthy aside from the rings in my thumb nails.

The good news is that I see a few eyelashes coming in, plus I have a rogue eyebrow hair and I might need to shave my legs in a week or so.  Go the regeneration!

Nick got in from South Korea this morning and we had a lovely lunch date.  It's really good to have him back.  He even bought me some beautiful flowers as a congrats for finishing treatment (I did have to make a pretty blatant suggestion, but he went over the top in the choice).

This is my first weekend post-treatment, and I am thrilled to be feeling better.  I'm told I look healthier, and Rach even said this morning that my hair looks thicker since last weekend (bless her).  In any case, I'm looking forward to leaving the "cancer patient" moniker behind.

Day 251: Starting recovery

Remie came in at 6.30a singing "good morning to you" to the tune of "happy birthday". She then asked me how happy I was that I didn't have to go to hospital. Gorgeous. This is her thoughtful side. She then sat in my bed grumping for a half hour because I didn't want to go get get some milk (remember that she can do this herself.). She is indeed a conundrum.

I had a social and unscheduled day. After Steph popped the boys' booster seats in Errol, I took my darling neighbour R to preschool accompanied by P and Remie, the ride was a hoot as they all pretended we were in an airplane. Hilarious.

I had a great catch up with Aileen over coffee and got in cuddles with baby Leila. If I had been as chill as Aileen is with a newborn I suspect that phase of my life may have been easier.

Steph and I had a wonderful lunch and actually talked in detail rather than on the footpath as we pass the kids back and forth. It was so nice to have her company and not have to eat lunch in the car on the way to and from the hospital.

The skies opened up on and off while the kids had swim lessons outside. They loved it. We went out for burgers afterwards to celebrate the end of treatment. Remie told us that she'd given the final link of our countdown chain to Miss A, who put it up on the classroom wall.

It feels strange to have no pressing medical agenda. I'm looking forward to getting back to yoga and just generally increasing my fitness. I look around the house and see piles of things I've put on hold for the past 5 months. I suspect I will move into "the cleaning phase" shortly.

I find myself thinking about the treatment experience and the incredible well of strength and community of support it helped me find. I'm sure this reflection will continue. Finally, I try to find at least one thing to appreciate and be thankful for everyday and will continue this habit. I imagine that my recovery will happen through and thanks to all of this.

Day 250: The end - at least of this phase

I saw Dr. Susan before treatment, and she was happy with the state of my skin.  She revisited my use of Flamazine daily and wrote me another script for a refill in case I need it. She said I should anticipate the redness increasing with the skin peeling and perhaps even cracking.  It should all be better in 10 days.  The radiologists told me that my skin is quite affected as they are treating only the skin (with a mastectomy there is no breast tissue left), whereas the whole breast skin and tissue are treated in lumpectomy cases, so the skin is not as damaged.

The girls behind the desk at Genesis Cancer Care (aka the radiation oncology rooms) were great today when they noted it was my last day and we said goodbye.  They asked if I was planning a big trip, then asked me to send a postcard from my high school 30th reunion.  Cute.

I left hospital singing the Happy Song but knowing I'll be back next Friday to meet with Dr. Fran about Tamoxifen, the estrogen-blocking drug that will comprise the next phase of treatment.  I'm just going to enjoy the next 10 days of not having to do the commute.  Remie's planning to take the final link in our countdown chain to school tomorrow as she's so excited.

I went home and immediately booked our tickets to the US, where we'll be around the East Coast from 11 June to 28 July, then to SF for a few days before coming home.  There's nothing like a huge health scare to make you look forward to connecting with old friends.