Day 252: 8+ weeks post-chemo and 2 days post-radio

So the end is not here, but I knew that.  This radiation burn and rash has been terribly itchy today.  I'm just about to apply my Flamazine in time for bed, so hopefully that will bring some relief.

I've also had a lovely afternoon of hot flushes.  Remie was at a party at Build-a-Bear at the mall, so I did a bit of shopping with Chris.  I spent the 2.5 hours taking off and putting on my jumper.  At least Chris found it entertaining.

I ditched the blue nail polish today and decided to go natural again - at least for a few days.  My nails have all split and/or peeled, but they seem to be somewhat healthy aside from the rings in my thumb nails.

The good news is that I see a few eyelashes coming in, plus I have a rogue eyebrow hair and I might need to shave my legs in a week or so.  Go the regeneration!

Nick got in from South Korea this morning and we had a lovely lunch date.  It's really good to have him back.  He even bought me some beautiful flowers as a congrats for finishing treatment (I did have to make a pretty blatant suggestion, but he went over the top in the choice).

This is my first weekend post-treatment, and I am thrilled to be feeling better.  I'm told I look healthier, and Rach even said this morning that my hair looks thicker since last weekend (bless her).  In any case, I'm looking forward to leaving the "cancer patient" moniker behind.

Day 251: Starting recovery

Remie came in at 6.30a singing "good morning to you" to the tune of "happy birthday". She then asked me how happy I was that I didn't have to go to hospital. Gorgeous. This is her thoughtful side. She then sat in my bed grumping for a half hour because I didn't want to go get get some milk (remember that she can do this herself.). She is indeed a conundrum.

I had a social and unscheduled day. After Steph popped the boys' booster seats in Errol, I took my darling neighbour R to preschool accompanied by P and Remie, the ride was a hoot as they all pretended we were in an airplane. Hilarious.

I had a great catch up with Aileen over coffee and got in cuddles with baby Leila. If I had been as chill as Aileen is with a newborn I suspect that phase of my life may have been easier.

Steph and I had a wonderful lunch and actually talked in detail rather than on the footpath as we pass the kids back and forth. It was so nice to have her company and not have to eat lunch in the car on the way to and from the hospital.

The skies opened up on and off while the kids had swim lessons outside. They loved it. We went out for burgers afterwards to celebrate the end of treatment. Remie told us that she'd given the final link of our countdown chain to Miss A, who put it up on the classroom wall.

It feels strange to have no pressing medical agenda. I'm looking forward to getting back to yoga and just generally increasing my fitness. I look around the house and see piles of things I've put on hold for the past 5 months. I suspect I will move into "the cleaning phase" shortly.

I find myself thinking about the treatment experience and the incredible well of strength and community of support it helped me find. I'm sure this reflection will continue. Finally, I try to find at least one thing to appreciate and be thankful for everyday and will continue this habit. I imagine that my recovery will happen through and thanks to all of this.

Day 250: The end - at least of this phase

I saw Dr. Susan before treatment, and she was happy with the state of my skin.  She revisited my use of Flamazine daily and wrote me another script for a refill in case I need it. She said I should anticipate the redness increasing with the skin peeling and perhaps even cracking.  It should all be better in 10 days.  The radiologists told me that my skin is quite affected as they are treating only the skin (with a mastectomy there is no breast tissue left), whereas the whole breast skin and tissue are treated in lumpectomy cases, so the skin is not as damaged.

The girls behind the desk at Genesis Cancer Care (aka the radiation oncology rooms) were great today when they noted it was my last day and we said goodbye.  They asked if I was planning a big trip, then asked me to send a postcard from my high school 30th reunion.  Cute.

I left hospital singing the Happy Song but knowing I'll be back next Friday to meet with Dr. Fran about Tamoxifen, the estrogen-blocking drug that will comprise the next phase of treatment.  I'm just going to enjoy the next 10 days of not having to do the commute.  Remie's planning to take the final link in our countdown chain to school tomorrow as she's so excited.

I went home and immediately booked our tickets to the US, where we'll be around the East Coast from 11 June to 28 July, then to SF for a few days before coming home.  There's nothing like a huge health scare to make you look forward to connecting with old friends.

Day 249: One link left on the chain

It is so very exciting to see that lonely link left up on the wall. I can hardly believe that tomorrow will be my last "treatment trip". Unfortunately, the end is not yet here.

In the next week, apparently the condition of my 'burned" skin will worsen. I unpacked my prescribed Flamazine tonight that Dr. Susan instructed me to use for the coming week. It contains 1% silver sulfadiazine and is used to treat and prevent infection of skin wounds. It is applied every 24 hours and I think the plastic wrap/tube coverage is used again. It shouldn't be any more onerous than the Solugel and will ideally promote healthy skin recovery.

It's hard to believe that the tunnel is ending. I'm looking forward to getting back to exercise and to not eating lunch in the car. Simple pleasures are often the best.

Day 248: All things come to an end

Nearly 8 months ago I found out I had breat cancer, and about a month later Dr. Fran outlined my treatment plan. I remember thinking that the 4 1/2 months that it would take seemed so long, and May was so very far away.  And my friends rallied, with Sue setting up a meal train, cooking meals, coming to chemo and radio, and just being there.

Well, here we are.  In just 2 days my in-hospital treatment will come to an end. And in just 1 day Sue will move to London. I think it just goes to show that you never know what will happen. The influence of key people in your life evolves. Sad and happy live side by side, and that's just the way the world is. I'm just trying to remember that good friends never go away; distance just makes those times together more precious, right Sandy, Meg and Tom, Lisa, Cren, Tess, Annie, Greg, Ted, V, Sparks, Sheephound, Cujo, Coiro, Shawn, Kristen, Jax, Rahul, Tawni, Jane and all the wonderful friends I made over time who I don't get to see as much as I'd like due to distance?

In the day-to-day, I had a beautiful walk along the beach in the sunshine, a coffee with the Sellars, a quick treatment, an easy bone density scan and the usual everything else. I'd call that a good day.

Day 247: Girls weekend away

I have returned from a wonderful weekend away in Byron Bay with some of my closest friends in Sydney. It took ages to organise and the postponement of an international move to happen, but it was well worth it.

Sue and Rach came with me to radiotherapy on Friday and we met Jenny at the airport afterwards. We kicked off our tour while waiting for our flight and nearly missed it due to a "little error" on the departures board that had it listed 25 minutes late. Oops. We flew to Ballina, hired a car and checked into The Byron at Byron, which was fabulous.  After relaxing drinks and dinner at the resort on Friday, our weekend consisted of long walks along Tallows Beach in the mornings followed by breakkie and some relaxing. We did make it to the markets today but really just enjoyed having no agenda and no one to look after but ourselves. Mostly we enjoyed each other's company. We did manage to ignore the fact that Sue is moving to London in a mere 2 days.  We will miss her enormously.

I loved that I didn't think about my treatment at all other than when I applied Solugel at bedtime. While the burn cream application will continue for a few weeks (I have a prescription for something stronger that I start on Wednesday), my hospital-based treatment will end this week. My cancer will soon be relegated to being a much smaller part of my daily schedule. I only hope it will consume less of my mental space as well.

Day 244: Deep contemplations

On the drive to hospital today, I spent some time contemplating death. It wasn't in that terrified "oh my God" sort of way, but more of a practical examination. I thought about Alex and Remie, and what it would mean for them. It is already both exciting and sad to watch them take on more responsibilities and become their own people; I got very sad at the thought of having to say goodbye prematurely and missing out on them growing up. I thought about Nick, and how he would live the rest of his life. I considered my mum and sister and extended family, and even though I don't interact with them on a day-to-day basis, not being involved seemed strange. Then there were the practical issues of accounts, assets, funeral, etc. I need to review my will soon. I did cry at the idea of my life coming to an end but realised that I'm not worried about death itself. That was an interesting revelation.

This led me to thinking about my obituary, which, in turn, led me to think about how I want to live the rest of my life. Courageous, curious, inspirational and generous are all words I'd like to be able to include if I were to write my final life summary. "Devoted mother" is another phrase that would make me happy. I suspect I may actually write something as it could be useful to help guide the decisions I make about what I do next. As Ruth said today during our wonderful catch up, I've been through a pretty big "deconstruction" phase; what will the "reconstruction" look like?

It was a beautiful day and I thoroughly enjoyed my drive in Errol. Treatment was quick. I submitted my Australian passport application today. That was $240 worth of exciting. After a few confrontational incidents, I had some good time with both kids tonight. As Tom says, "Everyday above the ground with the family is a good one".

Despite the cold snap coming through, I'm looking forward to my girls' weekend in Byron Bay. It won't be the "laze by the pool in the hot sun" time that we thought, but it will be great to hang out. Pity we will be farewelling Sue, but the shared adventure will be fabulous.