Day 123: Fuzzy

Some days are harder than others. I had a fuzzy head and fuzzy mouth most of the day, as well as continued sore intestines. I didn't get a nap because I was too busy trying to be part of the world by having a little walk, do some grocery shopping, visit with Karen and hang out with Sandy. When I finally went for a nap the concrete drilling in the apartment building next door started up. Poor me.

At least I have a valid physical reason for having a tough day. Remie was all over the board today: excited about Alex and Nick coming home, grumpy then happy about spending the day with Netty and finally horrid to everyone. It took almost an hour of grumbling and crying at bedtime for her to say that she was really sad but she didn't know why; she just felt like I wasn't close enough. We had big cuddles and I rubbed her back as she finally relaxed to sleep. Poor Remie.

I don't want to drag her, or anyone else, on this journey, but I guess that's what happens in a family and with good friends. All we can do is try to be there for each other and try to act out of love. Thanks to all of you who are showing me that way.

Day 122: Let the fun begin

It was a day of surprises, both good and bad. A day when all the best laid plans go to hell in a hand basket. And a day in which the good outshines the bad.

 I woke feeling none too great, with my intestines in knots and my head a bit muddled. After iced cranberry tea, avocado toast and my anti-nausea duo brought to me in bed by Sandy and Remie, I was no more ready to rally. We made it downstairs where Remie played while Sandy and I tried to get sorted in the kitchen for brekkie.

While emptying the dishwasher, Sandy realised she was encountering one of her dizziness and nausea spells which meant back to bed for her and no aquarium outing for her and Remie. As I, too, needed to go back to bed, I called on Rosalie to do the Manlt Sea Life Sanctuary and sushi excursion. She thankfully put her plans on hold and headed off with a happy Remie.

I slept for 2 hours and awoke to a text from Rosalie asking if they could come home early. When I got downstairs, Remie was doing some art and Sandy was hanging out with her. Remie spent the next few hours playing by herself and doing a few shows for Sandy and me, and Sue who dropped by with some beautiful fresh juices. Steph popped by with the boys and all 3 kids happily played Octonauts while we chatted.

Chris and M picked up Remie to go to a movie night at theirs, so Sandy and I did what 2 sensible, ill adults should do: watched tele (2 episodes of "House of Cards" via Apple TV) in the daytime. I haven't done that in as long as I can remember!  After Deanna's chicken noodle soup, tucking Remie in and another episode, it's bedtime. I'm hoping tomorrow is as action-packed (perhaps even with a trip out of the house) so I can get distracted from my sore guts, furry mouth, thick head and general malaise.

Day 121: Remarkably well

Given my toxic cocktail infusion yesterday, I felt unbelievably good today. No, I didn't venture further than my neighbor's door and I did have a 2 hour nap, but I managed all 3 meals, some admin that required thought and even some thoughtful conversation. My day started with Remie remembering that I needed some toast first up with my anti-nausea meds. Bless her. I took both the Dex plus a Pramin, and they did the trick for the day. I didn't have any nausea but do have a sore gut. Lucky for me the chemo is non-denominational and targets the mucus lining in my gut, stomach and mouth (which is ok so far) as well as any rogue cancer cells. Mel dropped off some specific intestinal herbs to try to soothe my gut. Sandy and Remie headed out about 9a, so I went back to bed and slept until 11.30a. I woke up feeling more in the world so I got some lunch, drank lots of water and talked to my mum Sandy and Remie got home and showed me the art they did. When Steph brought over her special healing green smoothie (part of the trick to my recovery, I bet), Remie went over to play withe her boys and their friends so Sandy and I had a bit of time. The rest of the afternoon was calm and peaceful, as was dinner and a bit of tele. Remie seems to be thoroughly enjoying being a single child this week. I did hear from Nick who said Cuboree was going well but Alex was a bit teary last night. He opted to skip the movie and get to bed early at 9.30p (!), so the poor monkey is just tired. Speaking of which, I am tired too. After the 3rd episode of "House of Cards" (the US version, Alan), it's past my bedtime. I'd better rest up as The aftermath seems to hit worst on the Thursday after treatment.

Day 120: Round 3. The halfway mark.

Thankfully I awoke feeling well rested after dropping Remie at the house of our good friend, former carer and guardian angel Jenna, Sandy and I did the run to chemo cottage in Errol. The sky was grey and intermittently drippy, but we still went topless. My appointment with Dr. Fran was enlightening and entertaining as usual. She first gave me the preparation run down on my next 3 cycles, which will see me going from a cocktail of 3 drugs to just one (Docetaxel)- the one that s mixed in medical detergent. This one seems to hit hard, so there's some pre-session anti-nausea required. Oh joy. She wrote me a referral to an ophthalmologist to possibly get some steroidal eye drops. Apparently my tear ducts are not functioning properly so need some serious help to get moving again, thus preventing the eye fluid from leaking out willy-nilly. I asked her about my radiation schedule over the Easter long weekend as my my is coming out and it would be nice to get away. Dr. Fran said that not only do cancer cells not grow on weekends, they are also Christian so observe the holiday weekend. She asked how I was doing otherwise and I said I was tired, likely due to me trying to do too much. I said that I just need to chill. In her typical deadpan manner, she asked if I wanted her to writeme a prescription for that. Sandy and I had a good chuckle. Then it was across to the cottage where the lovely Lorraine checked me in. Candy sorted out my cold cap and nurse Angela brilliantly bad relatively painlessly did the cannula business. After a bit f reading, Sandy and I watched the first episode of "House of Cards" what a great way to take my mind of what was happening! Gail popped in to say hello, we started another episode and it was time to go a bit before 2p. We stopped for a bite on the way home at a local shopping centre. I managed to order some prescription sunnies and new glasses as I suspect contacts may be a struggle. We got home and I had a quick rest on the couch. We had a cup f tea with Jenna when she dropped Remie off. I loved having Jenna and Sandt interact as I love the way they both think and it was great to see them enjoying each other. And Remie was breathtaking had some amazing attention and no one to compete with at home. Sandy made a simple dinner of beans, carrots, brown rice and chicken. Perfect. We watched another episode of House of Cards" and it's bedtime. I feel ok so far. Amen

Day 119: The calm before the storm

After a very unrest full night with both kids up (Remie for an hour and a half!) we all had a low-key morning and a nice brekkie together. Nick took Sandy for a quick driving lesson theme the boys left for Cuboree. It's the first time that Alex will be away from home for more than a night at a friend's. I'm excited for him to have this experience and worries as any mother world be. I'm glad that Nick is there with him even though Alex is very sensible. Sandy, Remie and I has some time running errands (including getting my pre-chemo blood test which went fine this time) followed by a lovely pre-chemo champagne lunch at Little Manly. The kids ran around the beach and we sat eating, drinking and talking (except poor Steph, whose boys were not in the running around mood). I really enjoyed the whole experience. The afternoon was quiet and saw me taking a little rest on the couch, which was heaven. Remie was in bed early so Sandy ad I had a nice chat over dinner. We got organised for tomorrow's 3rd round (I pack socks, a warm top, socks, my little cooler bag for my shot, food and something to do) it's bed time. I'm hoping for a good sleep and a constitution of steel tomorrow.

Day 118: Sandy's here!

Remie and I left for the airport at 6.30a to pick up Sandy. We were so excited (Remie said it was the best part of her day). It's wonderful to see her again and so nice that she just fits in to the craziness of life at the moment. We had a fairly quiet morning at home while the boys shopped for last-minute camping things. We all ventured down to the beach in the mid-afternoon to play in the waves, which was great fun. After dinner at The Fish Shack we walked home, showered and all collapsed exhausted. It'll be lights out for me by 8.45p, kicking off me week of going to bed while it's still light. I just hope I'm rested and hydrated enough for tomorrow's blood test.

Day 117: Cramming it in

I confess I am tired. I've been ready for sleep by 7.30p the past few nights. Now, we know that I am no longer a party animal, but that is pathetic even for me. Why am I so shattered, especially when I'm in a "good week"? The answer is simple: I've been trying to packthe majority of my summer into the past 2 weeks. I have not stopped, going from swim club in the morning to a walk and lunch with a friend to a quick afternoon surf play at the beach. I know it's not very clever as I want to feel good and rested for my 3rd chemo cycle next Tuesday, but I can't help myself. When the sun shines I feel I need to make hay ( or whatever that expression is). I figure I'll have a week of forced rest next week so I want to get out while I can. I've also been struggling with terrible allergies and sore, watery eyes the past 3 days. My eyes were sore enough that I had to get out of the surf today because the salt water stung so much. I have no idea what part the chemo is is playing in it; I'll try to remember to mention it to Dr. Fran on Tuesday. I am hoping to slow down a little the next few days with Sandy's arrival tomorrow and my boys' departure to Cuboree (4 nights of 3,600 Cubs ages 8-11 camping and 1,400 leaders and parents supervising!). With 2 family members gone and one divine friend arriving I'm sure things will change.